@decentbirthday: God: U have to build an ark to save the animals from a tsunami Noah: But you're god, can't you just stop the tsunami God: *loves boats* No

@MrDelFreaky: Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin.

@13spencer: I'd like to think that my exes see me as "the one who got away," but it's probably more like "the one who got away from the police."

@MacCocktail: Generation gap...

@PetrickSara: Me: Everyone should follow their true calling in life. Husband: Shopping at Target isn’t a calling.