@GrantTanaka: ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire
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@Gooooats: People who criticize the year 2016 seem to have forgotten that back in May McDonald's accidentally gave me a Chicken McNugget with my fries.
@Uniquicorn: *Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear
@JohnHilsen: When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this.
@NathanBgood: He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted's memory lives on.