@Ideal_Victoria: Ok, seriously men... You can't hear yourselves snoring, but the slightest crinkle of a chip bag, and you're suddenly wide awake?!
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@dumbbeezie: When someone tells me they're sick I try to make them feel better with a story about my own sickness that was much worse and many years ago.
@Kernsti: Doctors love to slip in that worst case scenario. "It could be a cold or strep throat or WEST NILE VIRUS but I'm sure it's nothing."
@MichaelTrying: "I am out of the office. If you need immediate help please contact customer service." "Dude this isn't email I'm standing in front of you."
@LoneWolfStories: It's like my fridge sends texts inviting all my friends over the moment I fill it up.