@Ideal_Victoria: Ok, seriously men... You can't hear yourselves snoring, but the slightest crinkle of a chip bag, and you're suddenly wide awake?!
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@scott2ten: Co-worker: Face up or face down? Me: Um. What? Cw: The fax machine? Documents face up or down? Me: I'm not mature enough to answer that.
@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
@kumailn: [God making trees] God: "They're alive but not. Every now & then they drop food." Angel: "I don't--" God: "Also they breathe the opposite."