@omgShutUpDon: Okay this is a quality meme
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@LimeyTheGreat: Panty-less waxed woman hanging off a bridge "I'm gonna jump into that canoe". Me: "No that's your reflection".
@Dadpression: Before I had a child, I never knew that quietly disposing of a balloon could feel so much like a murder.
@sarcasm_inc: Good cop: where were you last Wednesday? Cotton Eye Joe cop: where did you come from, where did you go
@iwearaonesie: wife: 9 got a ninja costume. Pretend you can't see him 9 [standing in front of the fridge] *giggles* me *hits him in the face with the door*