@timdonakowski: Okay, wait a second. I pee, I do my belt, THEN I wash my hands. I don't know about you but I've never, ever washed my belt.
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@jwoodham: Instead of pulling people over for texting, the police should be out there pulling people over for not texting me back.
@KimmyMonte: Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates
@AmishPornStar1: I long for the days when waking up with a "stiff one" wasn't referring to my lower back.
@Shock_Monster: Canadians like to brag about getting all four seasons: Winter Almost Winter After Winter Not Winter