@mattZillaaaa: Old people like to get up at 4am so they can go sit in chairs and fall back asleep
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@SirEviscerate: ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say "don't try this at home"? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face.
@bornmiserable: [ER: Goth Unit] Nurse: Doctor, the patient is starting to smile Doctor: God damnit NOT ON MY WATCH I WANT 500 CCS OF JOY DIVISION NOW
@thepunningman: Snail Boss: under skills you've put 'quick reflexes' Snail: [2 hours later] that's right SB: [3 hours later] holy heck, when can you start?
@Goofpoops: Cop cars aren't very intimidating. Add a crazy plow covered in blood, an anarchy symbol and spinning saw blades and I'll stop in a heartbeat