@mattZillaaaa: Old people like to get up at 4am so they can go sit in chairs and fall back asleep
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@Feel_Dont_Speak: A friend will invite you for beers A good friend will pick up the tab A best friend will hold your hair All three will have blackmail pics
@Home_Halfway: "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure! What's your name? "Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool
@BenjaminJS: Martin Shkreli at prison commissary: "Can I buy shower sandals?" "That'll be $700" "I thought it was $13.50" "The price suddenly went up"
@thrill713: If your kids are playing and it gets totally quiet, then you hear one say "you're okay, you're okay," they are definitely NOT okay.