@mattZillaaaa: Old people like to get up at 4am so they can go sit in chairs and fall back asleep
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@OfficeofSteve: If you forget what it's like to talk on a Pay Phone, just lick the handle of a shopping cart
@Social_Mime: Me - You almost ready? Wife - Just a few more minutes. What time do we have to be there? Me - Yesterday at 7.
@iwearaonesie: mom: no TV for a week! dad: and after you take a bath you can't use your hands to get out of the tub *sons jaw drops* mom: [whispers] nice
@Prero22: Person: It's not rocket science. Rocket science [wipes forehead and exhales] : Whew! Nearly got caught there.