@CodyJP9412: Old people that say tattoos are a waste of money: You have entire cabinets dedicated to plates that no one is allowed to use.
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@vineyille: Sir this bag is too heavy, you’ll have to pay an extra $25 to check it. Sure thing *dumps 2500 pennies from bag onto counter*
@sarcasm_inc: [interview after losing a fight] "What happened out there?" I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either
@Fickle_Filly: It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.
@sexncake: I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows.