@beeftweets: "Omelet you finish," -Kanyegg West
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@nerdreign: I worry that people who say "I'll sleep when I'm dead" may have missed a Science class or two.
@david8hughes: [puts dog in car] Me to wife: just gonna take her to the vet Wife: why u whispering [car screeches away] Me with wife in headlock: thats why
@longwall26: If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don't love anything.