@prontopup: "OMG IT'S RAINING A LITTLE BIT AND NOW I'VE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING I'VE EVER KNOWN!!!" - Drivers, apparently.
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@VailshireCap: "Daddy, tell me again about how you wasted time before Twitter existed?" "Well son, we used to look at clouds & pretend they were animals."
@JayUhOh: Five chickens leave Topeka traveling west at 25 mph. Please help me find them chickens. Those are my chickens.
@seejaylinco: please stop asking me to change my password, i'm getting tired of renaming my cat all the time
@Brampersandon_: [zoo] WIFE: Lets go see the giraffes ME: No W: why M (remembering when a giraffe sat right in front of me at the movies): Fuck giraffes