@prontopup: "OMG IT'S RAINING A LITTLE BIT AND NOW I'VE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING I'VE EVER KNOWN!!!" - Drivers, apparently.
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@TeeJayRush: Laughing at your mistakes could lengthen your life. Laughing at your spouse's mistakes WILL shorten it...
@ramenfuneral: that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse
@Kyle_Lippert: A college girl sends a text to her BF who doesn't respond "Could this night get any worse?" unaware that an alien fleet approaches earth