@LoriGallucci: "Omg, what a cute baby. He's adorable. Makes me want...oh never mind he's crying now bye"
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@tastefactory: DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being
@DevilryFun: Went to buy face moisturizer and the young girl at counter said, "Lets find something for mature skin." And then Security had to escort me.
@Lisa_Laughs_: If you're wearing Superman undies, but she's a Batman kinda girl, you might as well put your clothes back on.
@shutupmikeginn: Banned from Yelp for including "the rat seems to be vulnerable to attacks from behind or when adjusting mask" in my Chuck E Cheese review