@barbhaynes: OMG, you guys, there's a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
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@Storminika: My kid needs me to help him with a report on any famous black scientist. Can we do Dr. Dre?
@PlatinumShower: Every time the wife pisses me off, I hollow out her tampons and pack them with strawberry Pop Rocks.
@Reverend_Scott: DOCTOR: Push again, the baby is- MOTHER: IS SOMETHING WRONG? DOCTOR: [holding phone] No, I just caught a Jigglypuff up in there.
@AndyShulk: If you run through an airport yelling "Marybeth I love you don't go!" then you can cut through so many lines of people who like romance.