@barbhaynes: OMG, you guys, there's a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
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@Ivsy01: Breaking up (be mature, be mature, be mature) Me: (eating chips) you can't use the carpool lane anymore.
@Wakenbake77: Nice beard bro looks like you just ate a bunch of lollipops then made out with your cat
@PaperWash: doctor looking at his iPad: oh no, this isn't good ... Me: give it to me straight doc what is it doctor: well, I forgot my wifi password
@wesjohnson8: 62% of swimmers say they pee in the ocean....... now you know why SpongeBob is yellow.