@mzeld: "OMGJK" -atheists
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@RidiculousSheri: My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I'm the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food.
@myonlymizztake: The answer to the question, "do these jeans still fit" depends on whether or not I actually have to sit down at any point.
@jackmackenroth: It's saying something when you marry Charles Manson and you look like the crazy one.