@mzeld: "OMGJK" -atheists
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@jwoodham: Officer, I know I was speeding, but you have to let me go. I'm running late to a concert and I'm the guy who brings the giant beach ball.
@WheelTod: If asked at a job interview "what's your biggest weakness", test their tolerance for honesty by replying "mortality"
@caseytduncan: When I find someone else's grocery list in a shopping cart I use it....see where it takes me.