@Ohaiqtpie: On a poster in my math class "4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions" The sad thing is my first thought was "Oh good, I'm not alone!"
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@robfee: I wonder if the coach of the opposing team on Air Bud got fired when he explained to the principal how a golden retriever outscored his team
@TheBoydP: [Newlywed Game] Bob Eubanks: Describe your wife as an animal Me: *flips card* Owl Wife: Who? Me: You Wife: Who? *Bob and I high five*
@Quartzjixler: Her: Is breakfast almost ready? Me: Yeah, I just have to drain the sausage. Her: Can't we please wait till after breakfast for that?
@Reverend_Scott: Thinking about having kids? Buy a plant. If you can keep it alive for 18 years, hopefully you're too old to have kids by then.