@Ohaiqtpie: On a poster in my math class "4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions" The sad thing is my first thought was "Oh good, I'm not alone!"
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@dazedandsincere: Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am
@Lisabug74: Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked.
@envydatropic: Surround yourself with people who will groom your eyebrows should you ever become comatose
@trojansauce: ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet