@CakeThrottle: On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system
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@Ideal_Victoria: The good thing about being tall is, you can't get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can't get lost in a crowd.
@onion_an: Me: I had to take your hamster back to the shop Son: Why [nervous because I accidentally ran him over with a lawnmower] Me: He's a racist
@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?