@CakeThrottle: On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system
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@baycontaco: I've started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and "accidentally" dropping my recipe for bacon tacos.
@squidswards: Teachers are sometimes like an alarm clock. They won't shut up when you're trying to sleep.
@mydmac: (At the dentist) 'Your grinding isn't good.' Excuse me! I've never had a man complain before.
@daemonic3: Mr. Trump, who's your Secretary of State? TRUMP: To deal with China, one that speaks Mandarin [remembers to appeal to women] or Womandarin