@CakeThrottle: On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system
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@caseytduncan: When I find someone else's grocery list in a shopping cart I use it....see where it takes me.
@FakeDeanAccount: I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear.
@ficklenuts: Friend 1: If I ever get married again, it’s going to be for love. Friend 2: Well if I ever get married again, it’s going to be for money. Me: If I ever get married again, it’s because I’m an idiot.
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: "He ran out of the restaurant, got in the car and drove off fast." Cop: 'Did you see his plate?" Ian: "Yeah. He was eating tacos."