@Sarcasticsapien: On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election.
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@matt___nelson: [getting escorted out of zoo] "I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"
@thegreatnanak: Cat: my owner is asleep. What if he is dead? Cat 911: just walk on his face and find out.
@wolfpupy: thinking about eating a lot of candy. which i have obtained legaly, through the trick or treat system, for many years
@stenokel: Jehovah's witnesses are at my door. *Lights black candles, dons flowing dress, opens door, and says seductively, "Are you the keymaster?"*