@Sarcasticsapien: On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election.
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@GrowlyGrego: Is there a Twitter acronym for "Ur screenshot tweet is really funny, but my anxiety about ur phone battery % prevents me from enjoying it"?
@4Anno: I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
@WildeThingy: Teacher "Hi, why are you here?" Me "Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?" Teacher "Yes and you're off to a really bad start."