@MavenofHonor: On hot days I always check the parking lot to make sure no one left their car windows up with an ice cream cake in there.
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@PaperWash: Age 15: kids are stupid Age 25: kids are stupid Age 35: I love my kids but kids are stupid
@CulturedRuffian: I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.
@jharden21: Me as a news anchor: an explosion at a nearby t-shirt warehouse resulted in thousands of *turns head to other camera* casual tee casualties
@notalogin: *Dentist's waiting room* *Trying to make conversation with other patient* So... I guess you have teeth, too?