@AllieA: On my first day of college my dad's only advice was "don't date any of your teachers!" Yeah right dad, everyone knows teachers are poor.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [God creating cheesecake] GOD: [stuffing his face] oh man this is so good ANGEL: shouldn't u share it? GOD: [creates lactose intolerance]
@Heldinchains: The older you get the less people you can actually tolerate. I can tolerate about 5 people right now, 3 are my children and even that's iffy
@TheAlexNevil: We've all got that one family member who's an embarrassment and this restraining order suggests my family's settled on me.