@AllieA: On my first day of college my dad's only advice was "don't date any of your teachers!" Yeah right dad, everyone knows teachers are poor.
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@littlekitnerboy: Id like to thank the Walmart cashier for making me feel like big money. I guess you don't see many $20 bills, glad you made sure its legit.
@thatdutchperson: [runs into friends with baby] Me: OMG WHO'S THIS LITTLE GUY. Friends:*picks up baby* wanna hold him? Me:*kneeled next to dog* what?
@ScottLinnen: WHAT are birds so happy about at 7am? What? Oh, right. Pooping while airborne. Good one.