@Brentweets: On my tax form I checked the single box but added "and looking".
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@Piecezilla: [Jogs to a halt in front of you minutes after a fire truck passes]That guy's (panting) never gonna sell any fire (panting) driving that fast
@ericsshadow: Officer: is there anything in your car I should know about? Me: *remembers photo album filled with 1,000 pics of my dog* OMG YES
@JPHaddadio: They should put a statue of me next to the Statue of Liberty so immigrants know the American Dream is hit or miss.