@NotthatAdamWest: On this day in 1969, the 1st episode of Scooby Doo appeared on TV, beginning a golden age of teenagers getting high in the back of vans.
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@envydatropic: I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number Avoidance is expensive
@rzarosco: MY AUNT: All we can do now is pray DOCTOR: Oh nice so I should put down this cardio thoracic surgical instrument? We're good here?
@hannahkimberlee: 13 years ago I ordered an m&m blizzard at Dairy Queen and the lady who took my order screamed “ONE SMALL M&M BLIZZARD!!!” at the top of her lungs then immediately turned around and started making it herself and it’s still the funniest thing that has ever happened to me
@BuckyIsotope: I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who Walked a thousand miles To throw up on your door