@ISOremarkable: "on your left u see fred in camo, on your right is bertha, she has ridden many miles on that electric cart." If walmart had tour guides.
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@VerbsRProudest: Never answer knocking at your door. It's always people. Always. Never giant chocolate bars. Only people.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [leaving a birthday party with my piñata friend] i swear i didn't know they were going to do that "Just take me home"
@Rick_IZ: People who lick their fingers then page through the papers on the printer Just throw it out. I'll print it again.
@Jermaine_Accram: My "15 minutes of fame" are when I get my paycheck and everyone I owe money comes to collect