@k_lli: Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how ‘Tree Trunk’ is doing
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@Jayson_Two_time: An app.. An app that reminds you, no matter how ugly you are.. someone far far away wants to bang you. -Twitters new slogan
@EricDumbTweets: I don't trust people who say "I married my best friend" because I don't think dogs can truly consent to marriage.
@JessiCanadian: Every now and then you meet someone you wish you could unhinge your jaw for. *waiting patiently*
@Jake_Vig: Netflix and scroll through the selections until it’s too late to start watching anything.