@k_lli: Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how ‘Tree Trunk’ is doing
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@Gre_Gone: [loudly in front of a bunch of ducks] "OH NO I SEEM TO HAVE BROUGHT TOO MUCH BREAD WITH ME WHATEVER SHALL I DO?" *ducks try to play it cool*
@leyawn: a rock fell out my pocket and i crouched down to find it and a bunch of people helped like i lost a contact. had to pretend it wasn't a rock
@flashember: DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight
@sirmunchie: My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn't just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.