@rev_revolver: once a woman in the mall said "isn't everything cuter with babies?!" and jeff replied "not coffins" and just stared at her until she cried
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@TheMichaelRock: HR: You can't urinate outside. Me: Then how will we keep the jellyfish away? HR: Can you take a drug test? Me: Nope, I'm all out of urine
@mrsmith196645: Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening.
@Man_wonders: Group- "Can believe Jesus just turned water into wine?!" Me- *cutting up lines of table salt* "hey um, Jesus... soo can you do me a favor?"