@TribalSpaceCat: Once I saved 10 kittens from a burning building and yes all the people died but look how cute they are
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@KendellMadden: "I know, right?!!" Is the WRONG thing to say when my neighbor tells me that his wife is wild in bed. Lesson learned.
@kDuncanG: my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget: · RENT: $800 · GAS: $200 · CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750 me: ur right, i need a cheaper place.
@naderdagher: If he pauses a video game to text you, he's probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
@TheSwanDon: So my dad was all "stop eating my pills" and then I was like "stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp"