@VodkaThursday: Once Prince dies there will be some freaky shit that comes out like he ate only butterflies or bathed in babies or something. Mark.My.Words.
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@brettryland: Redheaded guys know they can just dye their hair, right? They don't have to live like that.
@shawnspree: Wife: Why do I have a temperature of 101.3? Me: Maybe you're pregnant? Wife: What's wrong with you? *damn you webMD, damn you.
@darksidedeb: I accidentally dropped one of my husband's Viagra into my contact solution and now I'm cockeyed.
@dumbbeezie: If my boss catches me surfing the internet, I make sure I have a screen open to a big box of tampons from Amazon and he leaves me alone