@DilemmaEmmaEmma: Once when I had a broken toe, my mom told me to walk it off. When Princess Di died, she sobbed for a day.
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@PaperWash: Can you imagine getting the girl of dream's phone number and her first text to you she spells it "defantely"
@simoncholland: I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
@rickolantern: When you're on a diet everything smells like cookies. Except the guy beside me on the city bus. He smells like sardines Delicious sardines
@alispagnola: I just literally fell INSIDE a public toilet because I did too many squats earlier and couldn’t control my sitting down. This is the greatest proof I've ever had that fitness is not worth the struggle.