@DilemmaEmmaEmma: Once when I had a broken toe, my mom told me to walk it off. When Princess Di died, she sobbed for a day.
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@Sassafrantz: A bride just said "today I'm marrying my best friend" it's like hey great choice, because marrying your mortal enemy seems risky & dangerous
@OfficeofSteve: Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)
@JustUnstableMe: Boss: Where's the progress report I asked u for Me: I haven't made any progress that's my report What I imagine it'd be like if I had a job