@TheDairylandDon: Once you understand they're unwilling time travelers dropped here moments earlier, the confused actions of squirrels suddenly make sense.
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@Douchekevin: I will not tolerate watching the neighbourhood kids bully my nephew. So I keep the curtains closed.
@shamans_heal: Pro Tip: If you leave an assortment of tissues, cold medicine, and a big bag of cough drops visible on your desk, coworkers will avoid you!
@cool_pond: replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don't touch the ground
@HomeProbably: Relationship status: My neighbour/girlfriend was kidnapped but she's ok now, I was caught.