@GreenishDuck: One day a guy named Matt banged a waitress and nine months later a mattress was born haha just messin around on this website.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BoydPetrich: Shouldn't Captain Crunch be Colonel Crunch by now? Apparently cereal mascot is a dead end job.
@david8hughes: [police interrogation] "What do you do for a living?" "Drug dealer." "Louder, for the tape." [leans in] "Bug healer. I heal bugs."
@dire_beard: [At a child's birthday party, holding a poorly taxidermied possum] I heard someone likes stuffed animals!
@DirtMcTurd: One difference between Men & Women is nicknames. Woman: This is Michelle, we call her Shelly Man: This is Johnny, we call him Long Nuts