@TheWeirdWorld: One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.
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@theevilwriter: Dreamed I won the lottery last night - $35 on a scratch ticket. Clearly I have a rich fantasy life lately.
@RecursiveTaco: Me: *seeing a used condom on my lawn* This is disgusting! Neighbor: OMG STOP TASTING IT
@stephenjmolloy: HR: "You've put Kurt Russell down as an emergency contact." Me: "Yeah, I'd like to meet him before I die. Dude is a legend."
@TheBeerGuy73: Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming? ROFLMFAO! JK! Lolz Ttyl KK Ur BFF, Hannibal ~ Hannibal Lecter discovers text messages