@trevso_electric: One day we will look back at the criminalization of marijuana and laugh because we will be so high.
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@joshgondelman: Someone wished me a Happy Independence Day and I told him this is America, and we say Merry Christmas here, buddy.
@pizza_dragon: Give a dad a fish and save him a trip to Costco. Teach a dad to fish and you can throw wild parties while he's away on fishing weekends.
@thejessbess: A rap song where I'm just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with "treats" so he stays interested.
@BackrowSeats: If you can't be with the one you love then be with the one who has the best cable package.