@MomOnFire: One day, when my kids are grown with their own homes, I'll come over, grind food into all of their keyboards and lie about it.
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@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
@noog: If you listen to a Miley Cyrus song backwards you can hear Satan refusing to have sex with her.
@girl_a_whirl: All I'm saying is if you've ever seen me put patio furniture covers on, you'd NEVER ask me to put a condom on.