@shannonjrox: One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
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@EricDumbTweets: I don't trust people who say "I married my best friend" because I don't think dogs can truly consent to marriage.
@lloydrang: I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree. I think I found my spirit animal.
@Book_Krazy: If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a butter knife? The answer may shock you.