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@shannonjrox: One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
@heatherlou_: If you're trying to woo me without food... let me stop you right there.
@Pumpkinbabypie: I just feel like you shouldn't be using a selfie stick unless you're a T-Rex.
@weinerdog4life: Me: it's robocop
Wife: it's not robocop it's dangerous
*a roomba with a gun taped to it is shooting at our cat*
@WilliamRodgers: Is "drunk" an emotion?
Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now....
@baconacid: Mom u can stop cutting the crust off my bread now im in a gang