@TheTweetOfGod: One Mississippi... two Mississippi... just kidding! One Mississippi is quite enough.
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@zachreinert03: My friends holds her breath driving past cemeteries cause of superstition but I thought she just didn't want to be cocky about breathing
@NicestHippo: [girl points at my scar] What happened? Oh that? Old sports injury. [flashback to me sprinting after an ice cream truck]
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother's Day but I hope it's laundry.
@That_Damn_Duck: I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.