@TheTweetOfGod: One Mississippi... two Mississippi... just kidding! One Mississippi is quite enough.
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@Death_Buddy: FOUND: 17 AGGRESSIVE DISEASED RATS LIVING IN LOCAL DUMPSTER. PLEASE CONTACT IF YOUR 17 AGGRESSIVE DISEASED PET RATS ARE MISSING.
@seamussaid: I realize not everyone is cool with Easter egg hunts, but they are vital. They help manage the egg population and keep it at healthy levels
@KevinFarzad: Being a newspaper boy combines two of my favorite things: legally throwing things at people's houses & keeping my fellow citizens informed