@TheTweetOfGod: One Mississippi... two Mississippi... just kidding! One Mississippi is quite enough.
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@robdelaney: Why aren't these people with Ebola doing the ice bucket challenge? Don't they want to get better?
@onion_an: [at restaurant on 1st date pretending not to be an eel] Date: The wine is lovely great choice Me: *helplessly slips off chair*
@QwertyJones3: "Want to come watch the game Saturday at 8:00?" Well I'm going rollerskating at 1:00, so yeah I should be out of the hospital by then.
@MableGertrude: I would pay big bucks to Sea World to see a dolphin fly out of a water tank into the stands and start rolling around and eating people.