@seantgreen: One of Jesus' most impressive accomplishments was being 33 years old and still having 12 really close friends.
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@P1ssed_K1d: My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I still don't know how much she charges him though
@alwayzintruble: Just put 3 sugar cubes in my tea, and by sugar, I mean xanax, because sugar is really bad for you..
@IamEnidColeslaw: ALL THE JADED LADIES all the jaded ladies ALL THE JADED LADIES all the jaded ladies
@The1WhosCrazy: The walk of shame: When you toss a paper ball in trash, miss, then have to go get it.