@zachreinert03: One of my buddies lost his right arm in a car accident which is a huge bummer, so much money wasted on tattoos
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@jjlob7: I don't need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands. :/
@doguacate: Listen. You've been saying this for the last eight and a half months. I still don't know what you're "expecting"
@shadygrenade: *ransom note on gun* [1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions] [ps please mail gun back it's my only one]
@WheelTod: [Vegan Conference] Announcer: While we await our key speaker, please talk among yourselves Vegan: I'm a vegan Vegan2: I'm also a vegan