@toastymoe: One of my co-workers just called the elevator a "vator". Anyways, long story short, this is my one phone call...
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@sulkywhitegirl: I like how my autocorrect changes "hun" to "Hun," like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century European nomads.
@Vodkantots: I had no internet or cable last night and I was left with my thoughts. I guess that's why the pioneers usually died so young.
@MollyRingwraith: If you're wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don't google 'old man bond age'
@XplodingUnicorn: I don’t feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me.