@toastymoe: One of my co-workers just called the elevator a "vator". Anyways, long story short, this is my one phone call...
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@ehdannyboy: I took biscuits with me on a date once. She called me a weirdo and said that biscuits was a stupid name for a cat.
@WorIdComedy: mom: why is there a Hispanic man climbing our balcony me: he is my romeo & I am his Juliet mom: (._. ) me: I'm just kidding call the cops
@TheMichaelRock: I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.