@alldrolledup: One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week
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@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: I can’t run as fast as everybody else. Me: Why not? 3-year-old: I don’t have enough feet.
@calamitydaisy: If you cannot afford a stenographer, a 4 year old will be appointed for you to repeat exactly what you said at all times. Do you understand?
@markydoodoo: I stab myself a little bit every day to slowly build up an immunity to being stabbed to death.
@JediGigi: I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty.