@alldrolledup: One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week
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@BasicLyes: People wonder why I move to a new place every couple years. The truth is, I'm being chased by a snail with a grenade and a vendetta.
@ArfMeasures: [prehistoric times] MUM: When you get married, your husband will be the hunter DAUGHTER: So I gather
@NoFlipFlops: Whoa. The house telephone thingy just rang. Couldn't remember what to do so I stopped, dropped and rolled.