@slooberbie: One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball.
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@crushingbort: Some dude just ran into Starbucks, grabbed coconut water yelling "white people milk" and left. Went outside, coconut water all over street
@mattZillaaaa: [at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word "bae"
@DannyZuker: Never had a gay thought in my life but when Daniel Craig jumps onto the back of the train & adjusts his cuff I now kind of get it.
@DamienFahey: If Leonardo da Vinci posted the Mona Lisa on Instagram today, it would get 30 likes, tops.