@slooberbie: One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@IGotsSmarts: If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can't even finish this one
@VodkaThursday: Kid wants to sit at table, isn't tall enough Me: WHERE ARE ALL THE PHONEBOOKS?! Him: U threw them out saying, who the hell uses phone books?
@rz0ndy: My hell is a giant Bath & Body Works store ...where all the women answer yes/no questions with "stories".
@KtotheK39: Divorce lawyers all over the world are rubbing their hands together in glee now that Twitter DM has a picture function.