@thetobbie: One of the worst things about being deaf has to be the inability to tell whether people are yawning or screaming...
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@iamburtjarvis: [2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound] "chief, something has brought the boys to the yard" bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT
@Bob_Janke: Reports say 3 billion Yahoo accounts were hacked and suddenly 3 billion people remembered they had yahoo accounts.
@pudding_club: *calls mom* "Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today" *long pause* "Mom?" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* "Mom?"