@thetobbie: One of the worst things about being deaf has to be the inability to tell whether people are yawning or screaming...
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@MunkMania: You know shit's getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.
@TheAlexNevil: *first date (Me, texting) This is awful. She's boring, has no sense of humor & rude Her: You know you speak out loud when you text, right?
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter has taught me anything it's that the best career choice is divorce lawyer.