@khook32: One of these days you'll see the real me.
Probably next week. I'm almost out of concealer.
@MarcusOreally: Boredom is the leading cause of pregnancy.
Unless you're on Twitter 24/7. Then it becomes the leading form of birth control.
@robdelaney: Haha my cousin's safeword is "chalice." (We don't have sex; I saw it cuz I hacked his email to get his salmon casserole recipe)
@bourgeoisalien: I can't stop coughing. Think I'll go see a movie in a crowded theater while slowly eating a bag of bone-dry popcorn.
@iamspacegirl: me: I'm tired
Medieval Physician: Ok I'm gonna cut you open to drain your blood
me: Maybe I could rest
MP: haha no I'm cutting your veins
@juliussharpe: I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn't stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.