@khook32: One of these days you'll see the real me.
Probably next week. I'm almost out of concealer.
@handsock_butts: Me: I didn't get anything this year. Do you think Santa's magic...is running out?
Wife: Santa isn't real
Me: Don't lie to save my feelings
@lilgapeach32: Who decided "have a happy period" was an okay thing to put on a tampon box? "Manslaughter is illegal" would've been more relevant.
@VampireIguana: *flips table*
YO WHO CALLED THEM EXPIRATION DATES INSTEAD OF SPOILER ALERTS
@GermanFreckles: *enter password*
*new password can't be the same as old password*
@The_MartiniGirl: Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.