@sfreeze6: One time I accidentally listened to a John Mayer song & spontaneously generated 2 thumb rings before it was over.
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@thestlouisan: I just want to have enough followers so that my children can tweet comfortably for the rest of their lives.
@Dawn_M_: [making small talk at a party] Hair products are so expensive these days. Do you think that's why poor people look like shit?"
@MadamBetteNoire: Pollen count so high, junkies are trying to uncook their meth back to Sudafed.
@MrT1M: Most computer problems stem from the lack of a fatherboard. No? Ok, I'll show myself out.