@sfreeze6: One time I accidentally listened to a John Mayer song & spontaneously generated 2 thumb rings before it was over.
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@4handfuls: Spending the weekend installing toothpaste-colored carpet since my 3 yr old insists on brushing his teeth while walking around the house...
@HeyZeus666: I just realized that no matter what it says on my tombstone I'm going to have to read it upside down.
@chrissyteigen: I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I'm murdered because I don't want him to remarry #truelove #tips