@TheReal_AndyMac: One time I asked, "What would Jesus do?". That's the same day I almost drowned.
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@GrantTanaka: *deep fries turkey *deep fries deck *deep fries backyard *deep fries house *deep fries neighborhood *deep fries los angeles
@daemonic3: Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
@Reverend_Scott: *calls boss* Me: I can't come to work. Boss: Why not? Me: Gotham city needs me. Boss: ...You're not Batman. Me: Oh, yes, yes, exaaaactly.