@DustinAHarkins: One time I called my teacher "mom" and she looked so confused and said "I'm not your mom." It made the rest of homeschooling really awkward.
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@ProdigyNelson: Bouncer: ID please Me: I got socks for Christmas Bouncer: …okay Me: and I'm genuinely happy about it Bouncer: so sorry come on in
@RidiculousSheri: Yelp review: Dating You have to brush your hair and leave the house. Most places won't let you bring your cat. Would not recommend.
@shariv67: "You know how when birds fly in a V formation one side is always longer?" "Yeah. Why is that?" "There are more birds on that side."
@Sean_Burgundy_: It's so frustrating when your therapist tells you to go to your happy place then yells at you when you show up at her house