@ericsshadow: One time I got fired for being too drunk. Not for being drunk. For being too drunk. I miss that place.
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@neiltyson: Today is the first New Moon after Jan 21sr. Happy New Year to Chinese people and all who choose to be Chinese for a day.
@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER:How good are your public speaking skills? ME:*from behind a tall plant in the office, I throw a piece of paper saying 'Decent'*
@NaaN_Conformist: Don't hate on Americans for not learning a foreign language. Hate on Americans for not learning English.
@hippieswordfish: ANIMAL CONTROL: what the hell were you thinking ME: releasing birds at a wedding is romantic ANIMAL CONTROL: you released ostriches