@ericsshadow: One time I got fired for being too drunk. Not for being drunk. For being too drunk. I miss that place.
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@TheTweetOfGod: I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.
@CEHudspeth: "I can try" is a great response to invitations because you're not even committing to trying.
@shopkins776: *puts on headphones *cranks "Eye of the Tiger" *downs energy drink *laces up Nikes *runs out into 13° weather *runs back inside *Naps