@ericsshadow: One time I got fired for being too drunk. Not for being drunk. For being too drunk. I miss that place.
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@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a woman who told you to kill a spider then realized you used her shoe
@AdmiralAkbrown: I get so fustrated when people say "supposably" or "irregardless" I feel like I'm literally drownding
@ohthatbadger: 30% of Satan's workday is responding to accidental summonings caused by predictive typing.
@caribbeanaj: I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.