@13spencer: One time I had a boss who called me while he was in the bathroom, and then he accidentally peed on himself, so sometimes good things happen.
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@batkaren: Sorry I armed a group of theoretical physicists with Sharpies and set them loose in your glass pane warehouse
@FlyJ_: My neighbor is a real douche & always cheating on his wife, so I changed my wifi to KARL IS CHEATING ON YOU AMY for when she needs my wifi.
@Bottle_of_Death: *Reads your tweets, vomits into a bucket, mails bucket to you*- see what you made me do?
@hamersauce: i show up for work with my head stuck in a turtle neck sweater with eye holes cut in it