@crushingbort: one time I saw a cop on a horse start to walk it down some steps and I thought "oh the horse is trained for stairs" and then they both fell
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@joejwest: [vet school] ME: Welcome, students. Hope you brought textbooks because- [spins cat on finger like basketball] -I have no idea what I'm doing
@CharlieDontSrf: If I were an old Chinese man I would never say anything, just nod and laugh strategically to freak people out
@Rollmaninoz: [enter password] *Correct* [your password is incorrect] Me: ahh that's right *incorrect* Login Successful
@Mister_Veritas: ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little 'present' on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?