@crushingbort: one time I saw a cop on a horse start to walk it down some steps and I thought "oh the horse is trained for stairs" and then they both fell
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@jwoodham: Can't wait to say "I haven't seen you since last year!" to everyone I see next week. I'm a very popular person with thousands of friends.
@tricycle_champ: ME: Man, I really should get glasses. I'm blind as a-- BAT NEXT TO ME: blind as a what ME: um BAT: as a what ME: BAT: say it
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Freak parents out on Facebook by posting, "Just read a health article about how a camera flash causes diabetes in kids under the age of 10."
@TheDragoEffect: REALTOR: It's a great neighborhood. Wonderful schools- ME: And the Pokemon? REALTOR: .... sigh. Mostly Pidgeys ME: I think I've seen enough.