@stevevsninjas: One time I stepped on a sea urchin and I forgot all about the migraine I was having, so yeah, I'd say acupuncture is pretty effective.
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@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: Tell me about your future plans. Me: You mean, like, just tomorrow, or for, like, the whole weekend?
@KeetPotato: [me and some other dude wearing the same shirt at a party] me: "how did we both fit in this lmao"
@KentWGraham: After announcing our weight at birth, parents shouldn’t stop. If they announced it at every birthday, we’d all be a lot skinnier.