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@MutedCatfish: One time,
at banned camp,
I felt really excluded.
@AlexvanBeek: EVERY SENTIENT & NON-SENTIENT CONGLOMERATION OF MOLECULES ON THIS EARTH HAS A BF. WTF.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [goes to sign up for course on how to handle bad news better]
"sorry, we're full"
[lights myself on fire]
@1Happytwit: This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she's never broken a lawnmower before.
@Roweboat13G: A recent medical study shows that women who carry a little extra weight generally live longer than the men in their lives who mention it.
@1evilidiot: A protected acct with 0 followers just followed me. Mom, is that you?