@aparnapkin: One way to handle social anxiety is to pretend you are a ghost & people are staring at you because they have a gift they never asked for
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@YuckyTom: “...and this is my beautiful boy, Jason.” Coworker: Jason, huh? Where’d u get a name like that? Boss: Jafather, can I see u in my office?
@collegefession: "I always keep a textbook with me when I hook up with girls so there's no walk of shame I'm an early morning scholar #3.9GPA" - NSU
@shutupmikeginn: Everyday I walk to work by a Ferrari dealership, put my nose against the etched glass window and say, "someday I'll own a window this nice."
@NYC_Blonde: There should be an option on travel websites that let's you search for "flights that are least likely to have noisy children".