@birbigs: One way to tell if what you're watching isn't really news is if the person is shouting at you.
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@lwhit_the_boss: A girl told me how hard it is for her to gain weight. I said it's hard for me NOT to. We had a good laugh & then I punched her in the face.
@shadygrenade: *stands over dads casket* "Mom isn't doing well, dad." *puts hand on dad's shoulder* "You need to stop building caskets. It's creepy."