@birbigs: One way to tell if what you're watching isn't really news is if the person is shouting at you.
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@RummyLauded: Ten: Number of fingers children have. Twenty-six: Number of fingers children have when you try to put gloves on them.
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol
@SonOfCha: Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!
@david8hughes: [skydiving with my dog] Me: ur ears r inside out My dog: can't hear u my ears r inside out Me: it's the wind My dog: I think it's the wind