@BetteMidler: Only 50 more days til we find out who's our next President! Last time I was nauseous 50 days straight, at least I got a baby out of it!
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@mrtruthandsoul: *breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?
@Inconsteveable: Me: "Can I leave work half an hour early?" Boss: "Only if you make up the time." "OK. It's 35 past 50." Boss: "Just go.."
@shutupmikeginn: An old lady on the bus just tried to set me up with her daughter. Here's everything she knows about me: 1) I don't have a car
@brianbowman73: I think this lady I'm stalking just found out. She changed her wifi name to: "Hey you in the tree. I've called the cops."